Martin Shkreli’s mom ought be snatching him bald

Pity Martin Shkreli’s mother. Don’t you know she just wants to snatch that boy bald?

You know Shkreli, right? The 33-year-old brat-turned-hedge-fund-fraudster who bought a cheap generic drug and raised its price to the stratosphere and then rolled his eyes at a Congressional committee this week?

Yeah, that one. And, if you’ve somehow missed him and the hand-washing compulsion that follows, Matthew Herper at Forbes has a bang-up profile from back in September. Or you can watch the arrogant smirking and eye-rolling here. Oh, heck, just Google or Twitter him yourself.  There’s plenty out there.

Back to mom. There must be a mom (and dad) around somewhere because, well, because there’s a Martin born on April 1, 1983. So, unless Martin is one giant April Fool’s joke, there are parental units somewhere, though I could find no references to them in an hour of online searching.

Martin’s mom has to be beside herself right now. We mothers are supposed to love our kids, be there for them and generally be the ones who say things like “he was such a sweet boy. I can’t imagine his being so rude.”

Uh, yeah, rude. That would be the word. Martin Shkreli is rude, crude and socially unacceptable, as my dear old dad used to say about some of my college neighbors.  And I’m betting it’s all mom’s fault because, of course, it always is.

A Facebook friend – also a mother of two about Shkreli’s age – posted this Friday morning: “O.K. I’ve had it with bad behavior and want to form a “Mom Squad” to perform attitude adjustments for those who obviously weren’t raised properly.

“First on my list: Pharma Bro. Had I been at yesterday’s Congressional hearing, I would have leaned behind Martin Shkreli and wiped that smirk off of his face and made him apologize for his snarky behavior. Go ahead and plead the 5th, Martin. Just do it with some dignity and respect. Who’s in on this crusade? Who needs a visit from the “Mom Squad’?”

Seconds, and I mean, seconds, later a dozen moms (and one dad) shouted “I’m in.”

Moms know that smarmy, self-centered, eye-rolling smirk and we have to sit on our hands to keep from slapping it off. Bless his little heart, that Martin needs a mom to be all over him slapping like white on rice, because he’s gotten way too big for his britches. He sure has way more money than sense, doncha think?

Yeah, I think. And, I’m also thinking, wherever she is, it’s not mom’s fault. Or at least she’s going to get a pass from me, poor thing.

Martin Shkreli’s one more in a lineup of self-made, arrogant, me-first pseudo-celebrities with more money than brains and more media addiction than compassion. These are men (and the occasional woman) with holes in their souls.

There’s a bunch of them out there; at least half a dozen are running for U.S. president. And every one of them – except Jeb Bush, whose mama really would snatch him bald if he did such things – needs a visit from the Mom Squad.

Linda Grist Cunningham is editor and proprietor of KeyWestWatch Media, LLC, a digital management solutions company, specializing in small businesses. She’s got a son around Shkreli’s age and he’d not dare roll his eyes in a Congressional hearing.